So it finally dawns on me...

Driving home last night from a concert at Six Flags; I'm alone and in deep thought. I begin to think about who I am or rather what defines me. Then my thoughts turn towards what my image might be to many other people I know. BAM!!! It hits me. What I know about myself; my deeds, core personality, attitude, everything that sums me up is so far from the person most people know me as. This leads me to conclude how often I use teasing, laughing, jokes, insults, sarcasm and nonsense to keep myself distant from...well, everyone. Why? Why would I do this? Is this my way of hiding the disgusting, sinful creature that only God and I know that I am? The saddest part of all this is that I am more worried of being exposed to my peers than the ever-present fact that God sees my deepest secrets better than I do and that I daily ignore this fact. Moreover, in doing this do I somewhat deny the presence of God in my life? Because I act as though Him knowing what I do doesn't matter as much as other people knowing should send up a red flag about my priorities. Its sickening.